K.

A letter will never be sent.

I have never imagined writing about a man, I guess you will have to never say never then. Nevertheless, here I am, lying in bed after getting off the phone with you, so happy I started crying. This state of euphoria seems surreal to me, like I am high on love. Too good to be true. It is strange to me, I -who runs from love- was effortlessly drawn to you.

Unfortunately, violence is all I know; to love is to know pain. And for you? I would let you stab me and twist the knife until all my blood is drained. I would let it hurt until it does not anymore, that is what I do best. Other times I am gentle. I would let you hold me. I would let you underneath my skin and around my bones. Sometimes it scares me the things I would do for you, the things I would do just to get a little closer. I would let love eat me alive, or burn me to ashes.

But with you, my sweet man, I learned love wasn’t meant to hurt. Love could be gentle, like a refreshing breeze on the beach. And because of you, a huge part of me healed. For the first time, Love has healed me. And I am scared to death it is not going to be a happy ending. Scared that love would strike again with full force putting an end to me. Anxiety eats my flesh, raw. I feel I would vomit all my insides just to get rid of this feeling. I would flip my guts inside out just for a moment of peace, where my mind is not racing with thoughts. Sometimes I think you are my answered prayer, other times I nearly die from fear, that my fate is heinous and I am not meant for love.

TV - Billie Eilish

To the man I yearn for, you will never be unloved by me. I am certain I was created from your ribs. I love you as easily as breathing, therefore I will keep loving you until I am out of every breath I have. Even if it meant giving you my whole life.

Now all I ever dream of, is us sitting together watching as the sun sets, sipping warm tea with mint leaves in it. I dream of laying on your chest until our heartbeats synchronize.

I shall always be yours, and only yours.

You are the love of my life, everything I have, and everything I am is yours, forever.

-Barney Stinson, HIMYM.